Guess what guys?! I heard you were looking for a way to look like a tragic slob on your wedding day and then I discovered today that Ugg Boots is now making a wedding line. For real. Because nothing says, “I love you forever,” like making sure your little feetsies are warm and comfy on your fucking wedding day.

I fucking hate uggs, but I feel like my hatred has already been described by someone smarter than me more perfectly than I could.

I possess nothing but the sincerest enmity, the most profound disdain, the most resounding loathing for you. You inflict ruin on the feet and ankles of women everywhere, women gullible enough to believe that how they appear to other people is less important than that their little toesies are warm and cuddly. You are emblematic of the laziness that is ruining humanity. For every silly woman wearing you with tucked in sweatpants and a sweatshirt or North Face fleece (the gray and black one, you know the one I am talking about) I want to kick a defenseless puppy. I shed a tear for the future of the human race every time I see a pink pair attempting to navigate the filthy Manhattan snowbanks. I want to choke someone until I see the light drain out of their eyes every time I see a mother/daughter pair dressed similarly, wearing Uggs, and holding shopping bags. (via The Black Laser)

Beautiful, isn’t it?

Anyone who would tolerate people wearing Ugg boots to their wedding should be dragged out back and shot in the chest. Anyone who would wear Ugg boots to their own wedding, should be dragged out back, flayed, shot in the knees, and left for dead.

Seriously though. Head on over to the site and take a look at the beautiful fucking shit boots they’re peddling. Like this one!

"I love you soooo much, I wore ugly boots with SEQUINS ON THEM."

Or this one!

"These fuzzy wedding shoes are going to look great in our marriage trailer!"

Oh God, please, no more. No more, I beg you! What have I done to deserve this torture?!